Thursday, July 24, 2014

One Hour at a Time

After the last post on Formula, I realized just how frustrating this whole process was, and that breastfeeding, though immensely difficult and seemingly impossible, HAD to be better for my little guy. As day three of my return to breastfeeding comes to a close, I find myself getting through today one hour at a time. If I don't nurse or pump that often, I fear the milk won't come back in. So, until the cutie little man can eat exclusively off me (if ever!), I shall be getting through the days hour by hour.

I'm also getting through the days on an hourly basis mentally. As this 30 day journey comes to a close, I find myself sinking into the depths of despair (come on, that quote!). These depths are not unfamiliar, but are certainly frustrating, given that I'm really attempting to trust God for everything right now. These depths beg the question: What's the point of it all? I find myself bitter, doubtful, uncaring, and wishing I hadn't begun this ridiculous journey in the first place.

But then, like a quick little paper airplane thrown by a certain precocious five-year-old, I remember that we're supposed to have "faith like a child". Believing without needing proof, right? Matthew 18:3 is the more popular section referred to, where this disciple recounts Christ's answer to the question "What must I do to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?". He says we must become like little children. This, however, has nothing to do with the presumed meaning of "faith like a child". In fact, after much research, and the studying of many commentaries, I have come to the same conclusion that the scholars have. We are to humble ourselves like a child. Faith like a child has nothing to do with it. Faith is necessary, yes, but is not the subject of this specific passage. To become like a child in this passage is to be teachable and humble. To put aside my knowledge, my academic tools, and my firm stance that I am the authority on all things God. I'm not. I never will be. In fact, when I do study God's Word, I tend to find myself even more confused and able to poke holes in this whole idea.

So I am determined to sit back, say I don't know it all, and hour-by-hour, simply live my life. On that note...back to my sewing room! I've begun a new quilt :)

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