Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Loneliness

Here we are on day two of my journey to feel God.

*Side note: talking about "feeling God" reminds me of the one instance I really truly felt Him. After the college group bible study at my apartment, Ricardo and a friend of mine, Ashley, stayed after to pray with me. I had reached a really low point and was just angry that God never makes Himself known! After much time and sincere prayer, I received my request to "feel" a hug from our Almighty Savior. I keep going back to that night, wondering what I have to do to feel that all the time*

True to my academic self, I spent time yesterday and today writing a list of issues and problems that I struggle with daily. It's not a short list. These are things that I've spent years trying to organize into submission or hide away in a corner or simply just ignore. They are things that I NEED HELP WITH. It's clear to me the only helper is going to be Christ. He says He wants to help, and I desperately want to believe that. The first issue is loneliness. And so...I pulled out my Beth Moore Bible Study after putting my new kiddo to bed, instead of sewing or attempting to finish menial tasks around the house.


(Hold please...I just remembered I need to switch the laundry... *elevator music* ....OK I'm back)

The bible study is called "Children of the Day". I was supposed to start this weeks ago. I did day two and three of the first week several weeks ago. Today I started day three, and when I reached page two of day three, saw that I had already completed this day! I kept reading, and realized I was supposed to be here today. It's about the word "We" and many of the study questions entice you to seek instances where you and others have experiences good and bad things together. The main theme throughout this day is...

Work of Faith
Labor of Love
Steadfastness of Hope

Being in a relationship with God sure should like an awful lot of work. This work at the moment (on this day in the study) involves loving others. When they stab you in the back, when they don't love you back, when they forget about you... Even in these ridiculous circumstances...I am to love. Satan is striving to make my faith, love, and hope extremely difficult tasks. Faith seems pointless right now when I can't see the person I'm supposed to be trusting. Love is not something I want to pursue, because other people are what is lending pain to my heart right now. Hope seems non-existent at this point. BUT - I am choosing to hope. I am choosing to hope that with these purposeful choices I will be making in the next month, that I will understand God and feel His presence.

So, here I am thinking I'm going to find out about how Christ will help me not be lonely, and of course, it's about OTHERS. :) Shocking? I think not... I need to take my eyes off my situation, and pay attention to others. Not in an I-need-someone-to-talk-to-so-let's-hang-out kind of way (clearly I like stringing words together), but in a way that reflects a knowledge of their life and needs. For today's topic of loneliness, my goal is to love others. Continue serving my husband even when he's so tired he just falls asleep when he gets home from work. I need to jump in the pool for a dip with R when he begs me to, because his love language is time. I need to be there for people that are hurting me, because they deserve Christ's love.

Romans 5:5 reminds us that "...the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." The ability to love others like God loves has been given to me. Praying today that I have the strength to love like Christ..continuously, unconditionally, and loudly.

As usual, my strategies of studying the Word to find a solution to my problem are thwarted by God's plans. ;)  In what ways has God brought you out of a time of loneliness? How do you show Christ's love to others, when you really don't want to?

Until next time,
Heather



2 comments:

Melinda Womelsdorf said...

Love the blog. You bring up some great points. Loving people who do you harm is hard. Through my journey (you know what I mean) I have found that the Scripture "Look to the hills from which comest my help. My help comes from the Lord." If I continuely look to God, I have found that He guides my steps. On finding God's presence, it's everywhere. But if you find yourself a secluded place where you can REALLY pray,and by that I mean get down and cry and scream, if you have to, you will find Him. Please know that you are always in my prayers...

Ashley Jackson said...

I have been in a really isolated season myself, not only lonely but also to the point where I felt repeatedly rejected. It may sound strange, but after all that has happened, it doesn't phase me like it used to. It used to cut so deep. I realized God was taking people out so that I would depend on Him alone. I hope he brings me great friends again, but yea, like what you said, doing what He is telling me as we go instead of stomping my feet about how life isn't fair <3