Sunday, December 20, 2009

Black Christmas

Yes I feel so defeated this holiday. My foreign exchange student has moved out. She was supposed to be moving to Michigan on tuesday which was planned but I found out so many lies and manipulations it's not even funny. All of them just because she wanted to live with someone different than Ricardo and I. Couldn't she just say that in the first place? Instead of staying with us for 4 months then acting like it was so tragic to go to Michigan because she wanted to stay with us. When she really was just trying to live with someone else. I don't know why I care...but it hurts so so so so much. I've treated her so much better than I would EVER treat any of my own kids, and it was never appreciated. She was fake every time she "had fun" with me, and apparently didn't like me at all. Couldn't she just say that?!?! We've said many times during this nonsense that if the reason was that she didn't want to stay with US, that's all she had to say. She continued to lie. The entire Christian school she's attending (which I also work at) thinks we are kicking her out and don't want her when that WAS NEVER THE CASE!!!!!!!!! I'm so incredibly angry and hurt and I don't know what to do. It will be pointless to talk to her. She's so incredibly deceptive. I sincerely hope her new family isn't naive and actually acts on their suspicions. I can't believe none of the kids said anything to me! I work there! I see them everyday! I talk to them every day! I didn't know someone other than family could hurt me that way. I don't understand why I hurt this much. It shouldn't matter.

I AM glad she's gone though. After I found out all the lies, I wanted her gone and gone that nite. She was already supposed to move out that nite but....I'm glad. Now I can celebrate Christmas with MY family. Not have a stranger in my house, who lies and bring deception into my house, and little ricky gets his room back. I just printed up my Christmas cards and one of the pictures has Shel in it. That makes me angry. We invited into our family FOR FREE and did everything we could to make her stay awesome (with what little time and money we have) and we get stabbed in the back for it. I guess this is good training for when my kids do this.

This is the last straw for me in regards to what church we go to. When Ricardo lost his second job and we were afraid to keep Shel, NOBODY offered to help out and host her. Now that SHE wants to move because she doesn't like us (for reasons still unknown) zillions of people are suddenly willing. It's a bunch of crap. I know I need to work on forgiveness and grudge holding. I think it's hilarious that I ask God for help with patience, forgiveness, and grudge holding, and he goes and gives me a situation in which I need to deal with those things. I am given a chance to be patient. I probably got a low C on that one. Forgiveness and grudge holding I still have a chance to save myself with a B if I pray and work on it really really really hard.

In the words of Charles Stanley, "If we let bitterness linger, it will wreak destruction in our lives and harm those around us. Anger breaks our fellowship with God and robs us of peace. It also destroys relationships with other people and leads to emotional isolation, frustration, and anxiety. If left untended, animosity can turn into chronic fatigue and depression." My doesn't that last sentence sound familiar. I know the cure. The "Remedy". I just need to trust in Him to deal with Shel in His own way, and pay attention to my walk with Him and my family.

Back to decorating.....

1 comment:

Dionne said...

Oh Heather, i am so sorry this happened to you. How horrible. How terrible that she lied to you like that! That is so messed up! It's totally understandable that you'd be hurt and upset, but it's great that you are also trying to keep from being bitter and let it consume you.

I can't wait to see you the day after Christmas! It will be great! Are Ricardo and the bubster able to come too?