Here comes the end

Of the year, that is. My mind is wrought with things I ought to have done or said or finished or started. I feel like such a failure at life. Then Ricardo comes home and I feel successful again. haha. I'm glad for him even when he drives me nuts. I hope that this kid will be a good thing for us. Even though it's(i'm pretty sure it's a she though) not something I wanted right yet, I have a feeling everything will work out just fine. Both our parents are so excited for us so that helps immensly. Having my mom "on my side" for once is so refreshing. We talked about that the other day and how much better we're getting along. It's really nice to be able to have our differences but still enjoy talking and WANT to pick up the phone and talk. I love my mom so much and am so glad we are learning how to get along. It takes some adjustments to be friends with someone you're SO LIKE. I've learned that with a girl at church. But through that "friendship" or lack thereof, I've learned how to deal better with people, and mostly my mom. I still think back and wonder how to change that one relationship and it tears me apart at times, but as time goes on and life changes all around me, I'm realizing its ok that I don't understand everything and that not everything is always hunky dorey.

Last week I started really missing my life. I miss having a job I like(even if it's just a little), having time to myself so that when God's yelling at me I can actually hear him and say "oh, I should spend some time with you huh?" I never spend time with him. I get so caught up in details that it confuses me more about him and how I'm supposed to have a relationship with him. There's a new sunday school starting and I really really want to go. My friend Becky and her husband are going so it will be really nice to have some familiarity there. I want a relationship with God that's different than I have had. I'm getting there...I just wish it didn't take so long for me to get my head out of my ass.